Thursday, August 17, 2006
my blog is stagnating. sad, but true. what can i do? i've become a lazy-roo.
sheesh. i'm getting lamer by the minute. there's nothing to say.
okay. i think my hips who don't lie are telling me that i should go to bed soon.
and i seriously hope i don't get hit by his 'ultrasound waves' again. they bloody hurt.
incase you're wondering who he is. it's batman. the result of the co-dominance or vampire and human genes. don't ask me how i know. ask his parents. besides. come near him and he'll shriek. not a pretty sigh---sound. they bloody hurt.
5:56 AM
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
my mother was never [and still isn't] one for gore. my grandmother, however, is. we were sitting at the dining table chatting over fruits. logans to be exact. and my grandmother suddenly mentioned something along the lines of "getting his eyes lasered" in her usual language comprising of broken chinese and cantonese. unfortunately, i didn't always understand. i misunderstood it for the laser treatment people receive for skin regeneration that always leaves ugly splotches in his/her face before it fully recovers. my mother had given me a weird look.
"what are you talking about?! she's referring to uncle jeffrey getting lasered for his eye la!"
oh. so THAT was what it meant.
and they then continued with the conversation.
ah. the makings of a broken family.
where granddaughters inherit their grandmother's love for blood and gore. yet they don't inherit the ability to understand the arcane language all grannies use. maybe it's every alternate generation. who knows. it's one of the mysteries surrounding the mystical creatures we call: GRANNIES.
one extremely distinguishable trait of GRANNIES is their PERMED HAIR. in place of hair, is gray curls. gray 'extremely-curled-curls'. this is the result of many years of nagging. the pent up frustration they could never bring themselves to release upon their children gets to them eventually and causes their hair to gray and curl.
another trait is the ARCANE LANGUAGE they are able to miraculously know once they hit the GANNY stage. It comprises of a confusing mix of chinese, malay, cantonese, and hokkien; it is a language few from the younger years can understand. however, once one hits 70, one attains NIRVANA and thus enlightenment. apparently, newfound wisdom of this archaic lingo is so enthralling that one would not want to use ENGLISH, nor SINGLISH any more.
GRANNIES can be found everywhere and ANYWHERE. mostly in kitchens. they would most likely be found preparing meals, gossiping over the phone, or nagging at their progeny.
when you find yourself getting nagged at by a GRANNY, simply go either:"orh.", "okay" or "ah." till she stops. this skill does not require much practice, howvever it requires special ears equipped with state-of-the-art filtration systems. so that the gibberish is flushed out, and only important parts of the tirade are received. i am sure however, that a large majority of the population was born with that. only a selected few have been blessed with such patience [and indestructable sanity].
LOL. that was dumb. hahs if a granny is reading this, i mean you NOOO HARMMM ATT ALL! hahs i love my grandmother. she's such a dear, but at times i have absolutely no idea what she's ranting about. thus the post.
today is national day. the national day of singapore to be exact. i just had to post something as a sign of respect for the country. in actual fact, there is nothing to blog about. but since i've started typing shit, i must continue on this perilous journey fraught with fear and danger.
seriously though. what do i say.
hmm. think. thinkk. think.
ah yes. today i shall be visiting a good friend i haven't seen in YEARS. we used to play as kids. he would be off looking for materials to dress barbie up in, and i would be playing with the cars. he was... the sister i never had. and his wedding dress designs for barbie were quite pretty, i must admit. we began drifting apart when i was in p5. too busy and too tired to care. it wasn't a sad 'parting though' we still keep in contact, i just... haven't seen him since 2 years ago. i hope he's well, and although this might not sound right. i hope he's still as girly as ever. i adore sissy guy friends. they are such darlings. whelps. i can do nothing but hope. here's to meeting him again.
yesterday's ND celebrations was rather fun. if you didn't take into consideration the fact that everyone was sweating bucketfuls or that we[namely the kiasu ones] were all squashed between the railings and the hordes of people clambouring to get better views of the performances. i live a very squashed life. doomed to be compressed from the start and now this. i hope i haven't shrunk. i most certainly do not want to be any shorter than i already am. in any case, i found the secondary one skits to be mot entertaining. especially 1o2's CHRONICLES OF SINGAPORE: the MERlion, the witch, and the wardrobe. despite the extremely lame name, it was very funny. the girl that played the indian boy was hilarious.
the plot went something like this:
once upon a time there were four children
Peter[malay] Edmund[indian] Susan[chinese] Lucy[Caucasian]
they all lived in singapore, and they found singaporean life extremely dull,
monotonous, and downright boring. [agreed]
one day when they were playing together, a witch appeared to them and claimed
to be able to show them a place where fun and laughter would never end.
she brought them THROUGH SOME RANDOM WARDROBE to narnia.
everything was fine and dandy for a while. until they got bored.
and wanted to get out.
they found themsleves sealed behind a glass barrier.
all of a sudden, the MERLION appears and brings them back in time
to when singapore first started
[unfortunately i have forgotten that boring part of the plot. apologies]
somehow or the other, they manged to break free and scare the witch away.
thus singapore was saved.
that's about it.
okay. i doubt i have anything more to rant on on this dull and boring day.
toodles
11:21 PM
Sunday, August 06, 2006
THIS POST was requested for by DEAR TIFFANY! yes yes. The really zai organist who astounded the panel with her AMAZING piano skills! and she is now an intern with the yf. i am SO PROUD OF HER.
in any case, she wanetd to know exactly WHAT conspired behind the closed doors of 208 on the 4th of August 2006 at around 12 pm. here it is.
Mrs Nelly Leslie came into class. she greeted us. we greeted her. she WHIPPED OUT HER ACTIVITY SHEET. and so the fun began.
each group was supposed to pick ONE situation to practice our persuasion techniques on.
sx's group picked 'persuade the president of the US to buy a CHambers Dictionary' and so did munya's group. MJ's group picked 'persuade pamela anderson to buy a minimiser bra' [YES. such a thing DOES exist. for unfortunate people with oversized boobs.]our group picked 'convince monks to buy hair gel'. AND LASTLY, rc's group picked 'convince jews to buy hama and hizbollah dolls'.
1)[sx's group] starring: SHARON PREETHI GEORGE [S.P.G -- hahas sarong party girl. but seriously she's nothing like that. and everyone loves her.]
" MR PRESIDENT we have a VERY important matter to discuss with you. your english SUCKS. all of your speeches are aired ACROSS THE GLOBE. do you not care about your image? everytime you open your mouth, people ALL OVER THE WORLD LAUGH. so please, buy the dictionary, if not for yourself, for us. please.'
[p.s. i don't think that's the exact argument but i've typed it out to the best of my memory. speaking of which. i don't know WHY tiff asked me to post a poat on this. it's AUDIO-VISUAL for petes' sake. anywhoo, her speech thing was PREETY DAMNED FUNNY. damn. no one vidded it. sighs.]
2)[munya's group ~ parody of the POTATO INCIDENT]
starring EVERYONE FROM THE GROUP! namely: munya, roy, steph, kalya, shu han. [sighs angel's in china.] MUNYA plays MR PRESIDENT.
she speaks like a hill-billy would, " hello little kindergardeners, i am the president of america, and i am here to test y'all on your spelling. now. cn y'all spell potato for me?"
the kindergardeners: " P.O.T.A.T.O"
P:"GOOD. now, can y'all spell POTATOES FOR ME?"
K:" P.O.T.A.T.O.E.S"
P:" now now kids, that's WRONG. obviously the word is spelled P.O.T.A.T.O.S"
*change of scene*
person of the white house:" Mr president, we have been recieving reports of what happened in the kindergarden yesterday, and we dearly beseech you to buy the dictionary."
P:" WHUT? I AM THE PRESIDENT OF TEH UNITED STATES! and i don't need no lousy dictionary."
person:" but if you buy the dictionary. you can alter it and the whole of america would know of your wonderful spelling"
3) MJ's group. starring everyone, qinyan, abu, fangyi, jo, aqi. but it was mainly mj speaking.
ON THE VISUALISER: picture of a woman with EXTREMELY LARGE BOOBS. so large that they have covered her face.
mj," HAVING BOOBS THAT ARE TOO LARGE? well, try our MINIMISER BRAS.so that people can see our FACE instead of your chest. it also serves to support your boobs so that they will not sag in the later years of your life." [ sorry, i've forgotten what she'd said... but the picture was SOOOO FUNNY. albeit a lil' perverted
4) rc's group. starring rc, nard, kahbs, mag, krystal. talking was mainly done by rc and nard.
rc/nard:" come see our newest collection of hamas and hizbollah dolls! we've got ones with hair, ones with NO HAIR, ones that have NO SKIN, ones that are PREGNANT and much much more! to vent your angerm just picture the dolls as THEM and poke to your heart's content. these dolls are a great way to DE-STRESS. right now, we're giving ALL CUSTOMERS some SPECIAL offers. BUY TWO DOLLS and get a FREE packet of NEEDLES! isn't that great.
here's an example of a VERY satisfied customer
kahbs enters:" i used to be frustrated ALL THE TIME. but now, with my new HAMAS AND HIZBOLLAH DOLLS i'm a MUCH AHPPIER PERSON! *pokes dolls with needle*"
rc/nard: "another customer!"
nard:" rarrh. i am SO FRUSTRATED! grr. OH YAH. my HAMAS AND HIZBOLLAH DOLLS! *poke poke poke* ahh. i am SO HAPPY NOW"
rc/nard:" so you SEE? it really DOES HELP! come down now!"
5) our group. starring: wanting, vanessa, me.
me:" introducing our new product: SPIKY HAIR GEL!
vanessa[the bad guy]:" WATAAAAA! *proceeds to charge at wanting*"
wanting[the monk]:"COME! *proceeds to HUG vanessa*
vanessa: *drops to the floor. DEAD*
me:" THAT is a PERFECT EXAMPLE OF what SPIKY HAIR GEL CAN DO!"
ON THE VISUALISER: *picture of monk, whose body has a line drawn across. 'before' on one side. 'after' on the other.*
me:" BEFORE he used spiky, his hair was all curled and MESSY. but NOW, he's spiked up his chest hair, AND armpit hair! now, doesn't he look FUNKY! this gell also serves other purposes. by simply smearing a layer on your head. you are providing it with EXCELLENT UV PROTECTION. to keep your scalp nice and shiny.
and ANOTHER PURPOSE! been wondering WHY the bad guy died? well, spike up your chest hair and you've got yourself some MEAN SELF PROTECTION. that's right. you heard me SELF PROTECTION! simple hug your enemies and they'll get pierced by your SHARP and UNBREAKEBLE BODY KNIVES! spike up your ARMPIT hair and you can defend yourself from the SIDES AS WELL! so come on down and get yourself some SPIKY HAIR GEL. because you know you're worth it."
[i'd liek to sat that whatever is typed here is NOT what was said on the day itself. i do NOT have a photographic memory, so you'll have to live with a half truth. the contents may have been exaggerated. courtesy of my extremely wild imagination. so there.]
n ANY CASE. that lesson is prolley one i will NEVER forget. minus some details of course, but it will stick with me nonetheless.
whelps since i'm ALREADY BLOGGING might as well crap summore.
sx's bdae party was a BLAASSTTT! we pigged out ALL DAY in front of the screen. ahahs. i really enjoyed mind hunters. i absolutely adore gore. [ heyy it isn't a sin is it.]
and there was GORE aplenty in that film! it was quite cool how the murderer was able to string the dead people up and make them into puppets. hahs. i shan't reveal too much here. yo're gonna have to watch it for yourself to find out.
i forgot to bring scary movie 4 ytd! rarrh. i was SOOO PISSED WITH MYSELF. grr. stoopid shikaye.
but the party still went REALLY WELL. hahs thanks to RC! with all her flicks. ocean's eleven and MINDHUNTERS. i played a TEENSY WEENSY bit of fooseball. twas my first time. i kept missing the darned white ball. i shall have to practice sometime. hahas.
sx'a bdae cake was GORGEOUS. and why? COS WE WERE ONNIT! hahs she soo very kindly used the class photo of us as decoration for the cake! all of us wanted to eat ourselves. haahs i couldn't be bothered. i just love cake too much. hahah.
had to take a bus home by myself. and even though it was only three stops away. it ws pre-tty freaky. the JUNGLE behind the busstop was ENSHROUDED in darkness. and i was ALONE. hahs i got home in ONE PIECE THOU. only to find my brother alone at home. sheesh.
in ANY CASE a logged on afterwards and i watched two c=videos that were recommended by RC!
the pussycat boys
SHAUN DE SOUZA.
the first vid was HORRIBLY SPASTIC AND FANTASTICALLY FUNNY. basically guys gressing scantily like the pussycat dolls and lip synching to DON'T CHA. DAMN SPASS. hahs
and the SECOND VID! was to teachers boogying the BANGHRA on RHD. they looked absolutely dumb. i guess it's normal to look a little un-coordinated the first time you do a dance you dont' know. but seriously, they looked SO SPASTIC. had a good laff.
one thing thou. WHY THE HELL did the school ask us to wear ETHNIC costumes THEN get us to dance the BANGHRA under the HOT SUN! wtffong. weeiiird.
anywhooo. i think i've ranted ENOUGH! tata.
1:38 AM
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
dashing through the snow
on a pair of broken skis
tripping over logs
crashing into trees
the snow is turning red
i think he's already dead
we sent him to the hospital with stiches on his head.
HEY! christmas balls christmas balls
hanging on the wall
one big big
one small small
one like canonball!
but one ball for 50 cents
two for one dollar
buy three get one free come in all colour!
courtesy of rc.
yes. it's that song. granted it's old as hell. but who cares. i love it. i've heard ANOTHER one that's quite similiar. except it involved batman saying hello. that one was by my brother.
i just sang it to him. and he REMEMEBERED. after i sang it to him ONCE. it's surprising how all kids can remember all the random shit and forget what 2 x 4 is. it applies to me too.
" so help to reuse!
so help to reduce!
so help to recycle..."
an excerpt from the song ung by the 103-ers today. it was filled with crappy stuff about saving moter earth. but it got stuck in my head. unfortunately. i think the whole ClASS... COHORT... SCHOOL remembered. they're good eh?
so you see? random shit IS good for something afterall. we're HONING our song writing skills! we're the [crappy] SONG WRITERS OF TOMORROW! man, our generation rawks.
today in class we did ADVERTS! hahas our group was supposed to convince monks to buy HAIR GEL. pretty dumb huh. our main points were: SELF-PROTECTION. FUNKYNESS. you must be wondering how. SP: you spike your CHEST HAIR UP! then when enemies attack you HUG THEM! hahs coooool rite. and it's FUNKY to have sticky outie ARMPIT HAIR! YES IT IS!wahah. okay our arguments are whacked. but they're FUNNY OKAY.
hahs and mj's group had to try to convince pamela anderson to use a MINIMISER bra! they're drawing was sick BUT HILARIOUS! HAH. showed this women with a HUMONGOUS chest so big that they covered her FACE ahaha. 'but with MINIMISER BRA people will be able to see you! not your boobs'WTHH. hah
SPG[sound like sarong party girl huh.] SHARON PRETHI GEORGE waws SO FUNNY.
" mr president. i have a very serious matter to discuss with you. your english SUCKS."
AHAHA. they had to try to convince the president of the US to buy a DICTIONARY. lowl.
"every time you open your mouth, people all over the world start to laugh. so please do it for the sake of the world. get a dictionary."
HAHAHAAH I LOVE HER.
she's damn sarcastic. but she's funnny. infinitely so.
okay. i think i've ranted on enuff!
TOOOOOODLES!
5:33 AM
