Thursday, November 09, 2006
anger.agony. two very consuming emotions; get too caught up in them and you usually do very stupid things. i think i'm in both right now.
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i don' even know why i'm sobbing my heart out in front of the computer, trying desperately to vent my frustration on the keyboard, and at the same time tryig to form coherent sentences. it isn't easy. maybe i'm too into the whole emo-phase thing, maybe i'm overreacting, or maybe my life really is in shambles. i don't know. it's like everytime i try to ask my father for something, something as simple as " could you turn on the tv for me please? " he will rebutt with a " for what. " who the fucking hell replies in that manner?! unless of course you're a very annoying bastard. i've tried to reason with him, he takes it in offense, and please note that I'VE CONSIDERED MY WORDS EXTREMELY CAREFULLY BEFORE SAYING THEM. maybe it's cause he's old and decrepit. but that can't be it, he' only 47. what is it then, here's my theory: MID LIFE CRISIS.
he's nearing his fifties, and he is scrambling, grabbing at anything to just reassure himself: i'm still young. i'm not old. i'm not going to die in thirty years. what ignorance.
maybe i'm just extremely spiteful right now. in any case, that's what i think he's doing right now.
another thing: my mother thinks i think the world universe revolves around me. i know [ I REALLY DO ]that soemtimes i can be very overbearing and i can be very bossy. but how is tiring of all the shit that's thrown at me by my mid-life-crisis-father be elitist thinking?
the new part time maid our aunt introduced to us is not very [how shall i put it] hardworking. she cleans the living room and the masterbedroom, which are, might i add, the only two rooms which do NOT need cleaning, they are already VERY clean. i guess you could call that being streetsmart. and so my grandmother decided to tell my faher to tell the maid to clean the other rooms first, like the kitchen [ constantly greasy ] and the toilets. and gues what, he REBUTTS: she knows what to do.
i'm quite sure you're laughing right now. DOES SHE FRIGGIN LOOK LIKE SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING?! NO! he doesn't even PAY her, it's my GRANDMOTEHR who takes the money out of her own purse to give the maid.
see what i mean.
i may seem like i'm not helping out a lot just whining, and sitting by watching everything happen without lifting a finger to help clean. seriously though, isn't that what the maid is for? i'm NOT trying to sound elitist, very honestly, i am NOT. but that is what maids are for right? you pay them to help you clean the house and to cook and the take care of the kids etcetcetc. so what would be the point of hiring a maid to clean something that doesn't need cleaning. you're just wasting your money.. let me change that. you're just wasting your MOTHER-IN-LAW's money. and all the thanks she gets are five words of careless rebuttal: she.knows.what.to.do
so you can see why i'm so hesitant to stay at home to 'supervise' [ as my mother would call it ] the maid, who knows, she might tell him that i'm trying to boss her around [ i've got better things to do thank you very much. ] and what he going to say?
i'm sure you know the answer by now.
typing has helped loads.
i hope the bloody fucking bastard rots in hell.
4:46 AM
